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LATE NIGHT WITH SADDAM

Submitted by Paul Keepshorse
Through Sartre's BATR Yahoo Group
Jan. 23, 2004

"It was like Ground Hog Day. He popped out of a hole, and we got four more years of Bush."
-Bill Maher, on Saddam's capture

"Now that George Bush has captured Saddam Hussein, it raises the question, what's he going to get his dad for Christmas next year?"
-Jay Leno

"President Bush says he doesn't want to use the capture of Saddam for political gain. He says he wants a very slow, public trial that would end, oh, about next November."
-Jay Leno

"Saddam's daughter defended him, saying the U.S. must have drugged or gassed him. Otherwise, he never would have surrendered. Let me tell you something, the guy was living on hot dogs, Spam and Mars bars, and living in a tiny hole. I think he gassed himself."
-Jay Leno

"President Bush said today that when he was told Saddam Hussein had been captured he was up at Camp David reading a book. I don't know what's the bigger shock, capturing Saddam or finding out Bush was reading a book."
-Jay Leno

"When they caught Saddam Hussein, he had more than $750,000 dollars. When he heard this, President Bush immediately invited Saddam to a fundraising dinner"
-Conan O'Brien

"They found several pairs of Saddam's boxer shorts in the hut and, by the way, that is the closest we have come to finding weapons of mass destruction."
-David Letterman

"I'm watching the clip of Saddam Hussein with the big beard and the whole thing and this might be a long shot in terms of theories are concerned - but is it possible that in the nine months he was on the run, he was actually studying to become a rabbi?"
-Jon Stewart

"Officials say that when they tried to interview Saddam Hussein he was smug, curt and often sarcastic. Later, Saddam apologized and said he was just doing his impression of Donald Rumsfeld."
-Conan O'Brien

"One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on FOX News."
-David Letterman

"Saddam Hussein just gave himself up. I mean hell, Michael Jackson put up more of a fight."
-David Letterman

"This guy was a wreck, you saw the pictures. They had to clean him up in a hurry; they had to give him an emergency Queer Eye makeover."
-David Letterman

"It's ironic that they found him in a hole since the term 'A-hole' has been used to describe him so many times."
-Jay Leno

"At the time of the capture he had $750,000 in cash on him. They think he was trying to buy three gallons of gas from Halliburton ... $750,000 - you know what that means? He is now eligible for the Bush tax cut!"
-Jay Leno

"The individual who gave the tip leading to Hussein's capture gets a $25 million award. Surprisingly, the man's name is Hall Halliburton."
-Craig Kilborn

"Saddam Hussein got a full medical exam and treatment. How does it feel knowing the Butcher of Baghdad got a flu shot before you?"
-Craig Kilborn

"We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours."
-David Letterman


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